He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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