Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will be naked everywhere
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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