It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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