Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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