My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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