just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
