you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
