i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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