"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
