Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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