The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
