Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
