Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
