I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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