remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
