alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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