He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
