How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
