I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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