Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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