My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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