True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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