i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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