shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
