yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
