Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize