end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize