Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found puke in my bra..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
