Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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