I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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