okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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