Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
