Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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