If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize