Don't you send me to vm
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
