Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
