At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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