ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
