My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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