omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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