I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
