after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
