I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You have to summon your inner elephant
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
