We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
