If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
