Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My vagina just clenched in fear
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