and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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