Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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