I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she peed on how many people?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
