Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a beard to bite.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
