Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
