all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
