you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He better not be in your backpack
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
