Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my shit smells like andre
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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