He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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