I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
