o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
