I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
