so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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