"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
