don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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