See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
