You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
