I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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