GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize