So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
